‘Gone with the wind’ is a sweeping epic tale set in the South documenting its transformation from slavery owned plantation being ravaged and upheaved by civil war and new post war era Reconstruction. First was a book, authored by Margaret Mitchell, published in 1936. It was an instant sensation. The book sold 1 million copies in its first six months and won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction (1937). Three years later movie adaptation hit the screens. Alike book it was a great success. It received widespread acclaim, broke box office records, and won multiple Academy Awards.

What was the appeal? First, Americans, affected by Depression era, felt connected to the tale of survival and adjusting to a new world. Second, it is a love story like no other. Turbulent, messy and harrowing. There’s no ‘they lived happily ever after’.

Margaret Mitchell created characters who are flawed and immature. They made bad love decisions which affected their lives. Who was the worst? Was it the main heroine, way ward Scarlett? Or cocky Rett? Or perhaps it was one of the supporting characters -either weak Ashley or his ever-forgiving wife Melania? Read on to find out.

When it comes to love Rett Butler seems to suck the least. Not that he doesn’t make any love mistakes. But they don’t overweight good love moves he makes throughout the novel. What are these?

Firstly, he doesn’t expect his partner to be perfect. This something we are all often guilty of. ‘He is so uncultured and unrefined. Can you believe he’s never been to the theatre?’ Sounds familiar? Or ‘I wish she hang out with different crowd. When around her girlfriends, she’s rowdy and drinks far too much’. The list of things we would like to change in our partners is usually long and extensive. Meanwhile we hardly epitomise perfection ourselves. Perhaps because of exactly that reason we expect it from our other half. But not Rett Butler. Rett not only accepts Scarlett’s flawed nature, he cherishes her un-lady like behaviour, bad temper and manipulative tendencies. He himself is not a saint, and he’s glad to have by his side someone equally ‘bad’. He’s mature enough embrace human’s imperfections rather than squash them.

Secondly Rett Butler is a proper man, and he makes the first move. He’s not a man who will glance at his dream girl in staff canteen or a hotel lobby, hoping he will get noticed.  No Rett puts himself out there…And gets rejected multiple times…Ouch. And yet his confidence and self esteem remains intact. Why? Because he doesn’t make a rejection about him. Scarlett’s rebuffs are because of either of bad timing, her misjudgements or other circumstances. Meanwhile that guy in the canteen, would make it about him. He’s knowledge. His demeanour. God knows what else. His teeth. And his height. It must have been because of his height. A lot of disappointed men attribute their lack of luck with ladies to their height. ‘Girls only swipe on those who are 6 foot and above’ timid canteen guy will say in both accusatory and explanatory tone when he gets rejected and will never speak to another girl for the next six months.

This approach is foreign to Rett. He knew Scarlett was a woman for him and he continued to pursue her. He did it the right way, however. He wasn’t pleading or obsessive. He showed up at the right time and didn’t exhibit any sign of hurt when Scarlet rejected him. You don’t want me. Fine. You will. One day. Seemed to be his typical reaction. And he disappeared from her life. Until another time. And another. Till eventually Scarlett said yes and married him.

The final good thing that Rett does well when it comes to love, is to know when to leave. As much as patient, persistent and accepting he is, he has his limits. A tragic occurrence in his life, that is death of his daughter make him re-evaluate his life and his marriage to Scarlett. He realises that Scarlet doesn’t love him, never did and never will. So, he leaves her. A little too late, one might say. Maybe, but better late than never.

Melanie is placid and good-natured woman. She has many good qualities. But when it comes to handling love, she’s not someone to be emulated. No. Unless you don’t mind your husband or a boyfriend ending up in arms of someone close to you. And then inventing lame excuses why it happened. She was cold so she needed a hug. He got scared of a fly on the wall, so she comforted it. Anything that will blur the reality and prove your own thesis that people are good natured and will never want to harm you. Oh, Melanie. How naïve of you. How stupid. Throughout the novel Scarlet shamelessly and openly pines after Ashley, and Melanie does nothing. More she befriends Scarlett. Do not do that, ladies. If another woman flirts with your man, seeks his company, is around him a little too much, she’s your enemy, not a friend. Even if she claims to be a friend. How many stories about someone whose husband left her for her friend you have heard? Quiet a few? Yeah…Any flirty friends of yours, work wives and damsels in distress who need your man’s help should be isolated by you. She’s a virus and you need to put on a safety hazmat suit to shield your relationship from her toxic presence.

Now, we’re reaching the podium of love suckered. In the runner up position, we have our main heroine, Scarlet Ohara. She’s a truly unforgettable literary character. Vain, manipulative and opportunistic. In the beginning of the novel, she is a spoiled Southern Belle doted on by her family and servants. And yet when war struck, she finds inner strength and resourcefulness to survive. More she thrives. She rebuilds Tara, her family’s plantation, after the Yankee invasion, and establishes successful sawmill business.  However, when it comes to love she doesn’t exhibit same savviness. Not at all. In fact, her love choices are purely terrible. Throughout the course of the novel, she pines after a man who not only rejected her because he deemed her not suitable enough to become his wife but is in his essence a coward and weak man. At least if you decide to waste your life on fantasising about an unavailable man choose someone who is worth your energy- an alpha male, a warrior, a protector. Ashley wasn’t any of those things. Of course he did have some good qualities. He was a gentleman who knew about art and all fine things in life. But that’s about it. Scarlet made a very big mistake building and clinging on to this illusion that he is a love of her life. Like many women, the fact that they were not together, she attributed to circumstances.  She didn’t acknowledge it was his conscious decision to not to marry her. It simply was out of his hand. It never is ladies right. But you will always have some explanation, right? It’s his children that prevent him from divorcing his wife. He must be swamped with work with work that’s why he hasn’t called in a week.  He had bad childhood….and blah blah. The list of excuses goes on.

But that’s not all. Whilst pining after the wrong man, Scarlett overlooked the right one. Rett loved Scarlett, with all her flaws and imperfections. Not only was he fond of Scarlets disposition, but he was also her characterological twin, something she didn’t rate as good when it comes to relationships.  Scarlett seemed to support the sentiment that opposites attract. This theory is somehow romanticised and favoured by many, but psychologists do not agree. We get along better with people who are like us. A shy guy might appear cute and endearing at first, but over time a bubbly outgoing female will find it annoying to yet again leave a party early because he cannot handle crowds for too long.

Now we’re left with only one character, Ashley Wilkes. He is the ultimate love sucker. Why? Because he didn’t choose love when he was choosing a life partner. He picked someone who was good on paper.  His cousin Melanie. She presented to him as a better wife material because she was of better social status, mild-tempered, acting according to societal expectations. His attraction to Scarlett was more physical and passionate, but he saw it as dangerous and inappropriate for a proper Southern gentleman. He chose safety over passion. That sucks. Period.  

Now, let’s calm down, let’s be reasonable as well as passionate. Of course, when we decide with whom we share our life, we can’t solely do so, based on how much we are swayed by uncontrollable desire, by intense infatuation. We do need to look at other factors. We should be pragmatic when we choose our partners, but it shouldn’t be pragmatism we employ when buying clothes for example. This pair of trousers is not as flattering as the other one but seem comfortable and appropriate; oh, no, this top is far too flashy for work, I need something more subdued. When it comes to love, we shouldn’t as cautious as that and avoid glitter and sparkle and all cost. No, we need some spark. Some butterflies in our stomach.  Ashley was fond of Scarlett and yet he deprived himself of romantic relationship for the sake of his reputation and societal expectations.

At the same time, he doesn’t quash his feelings towards her completely.  Scarlett remains in his orbit, and he secretly enjoys her company. He’s seemingly content with Melanie but something is missing…He doesn’t live his life to the fullest. That sucks. Love without spark sucks. Oh, Ashley, we really pity you…